NEWYou can now listen to Fox News articles!
It’s true – according to the latest Harvard/Harris poll, Trump rose to 48 percent, Biden dropped to 46. How is Biden even at 46?
In a normal world, he’d be at 2% – just ahead of “losing your home in a tornado.” Yep – there are a lot of things more popular than Joe Biden. Tinnitus. Painful rectal itch. Kamala Harris. But I repeat myself
It’s true. Harris is doing better than Joe in nationwide polling. Which is easy to explain. She’s doing nothing. He’s doing something.
And research shows the less a liberal actually works, the more popular they are. It’s cuz when they do work, they destroy things.
They’re like a bull in a china shop – one that Joe and Hunter are probably silent partners in. Except they’re more like rats in a sinking ship. Or maybe snakes in the grass.
Which brings us to Joe. Remember how beloved he was when he was chained to a radiator in a basement, watching reruns of Matlock, drinking a juice box and waiting for the transfusion. Those were the days. When Joe only came outside just once, to predict six more weeks of winter.
But then he won and had to get to work. Since then, it’s been a groundhog day of policy failures, gaffes, and catastrophes. So they loaded Joe up with Prevagen and relief factor and pointed him to the White House. Where after 8 attempts, he found the entrance, and got to work. And boy was that a bad idea.
Have you checked America 2021 under Joe? It’s now a strangely hobbled, chaotic mess. In short, Biden remade the country in the image of himself. It’s true, the country’s just two weeks away from getting hair plugs.
The decline reflects his own consistent decline. It’s sad – he’s falling apart faster than a whopper you’re trying to eat while driving. Yet he claims he has things under control.
Like he had Afghanistan under control. Like he had the pandemic under control. Like he has his bladder under control. No, the only thing under control, is Joe. Controlled. By whom?
Well, let’s talk about murder. Homicides have risen 30 percent in 2020, the biggest rise since national records began in 1960. We’re witnessing the biggest spike in 60 years. It’s like back to the future, except the Delorean can’t afford the gas.
But that’s not how the media reports it. NBC claims that crime is actually falling faster than CNN’s ratings. How did they get to that idiotic place? Have they been dining with Don Lemon?
Don Lemon, September 2020: If you watch a certain state TV and you listen to conservative media you would think that, you know, entire cities are just, you know, embroiled in fights and fires and whatever. We went out and had a great dinner in New York City tonight.
Don enjoys any meal without Brian Stelter under the table begging for scraps.
Anyway, they based this drop in crime on a report by a left-wing think tank. Which deceptively combined seven different types of crime; coming up with an “overall crime number, which NBC embraced like an unpaid intern at a hot tub party. (Shout out to Matt Lauer)
Because thefts are 4 times more frequent than violent crimes, the overall number hides the rise of violent crime in cities. They’re cutting violent crime numbers with nonviolent crime numbers. The way a coke dealer would cut his product with powdered laxatives.
(Boy did that ruin a few dates back in the 90s).
In effect. NBC’s reporting is like telling a mugging victim to cheer up because mail fraud is slightly down! So why would they do that?
Well, the spike in murder followed the unrest after George Floyd’s killing. Unrest that was cheered by the media.
They chose not to report on the riots, the looting, the arson, because it would taint the narrative of a greater American oppression. In effect, we deserved the assaults.
But now the data implicates the media, and the Dems – who let their cities descend into mayhem. In a perfect world Jeff Zucker would be sharing a cell with Nancy Pelosi.
I wonder what the angry Black male thinks.
Tyrus: It looks like I am playing my video game in a pink room and a pink couch. It’s not. Don’t believe your lying eyes. It’s a green room with camouflage and I am sitting on a cannon right now. Pay no attention to the facts in front of you. For my next trick, I will pee down your back and tell you it’s rain. That’s not that funny. Crime is really up. Because of this woke administration. That actually makes me angry. Don’t make me angry. You would not like me if I was angry.
Then there’s the border. Or what used to be a border. For months, Fox sounded this alarm. But it was ignored, because it was Fox. It’s the greatest self-inflicted behavior I’ve seen since shelly long decided to leave cheers.
Imagine someone you dislike telling you something that could really help you – and you reject it because their politics don’t align.
*Skit of person in red hat trying to help someone avoid death but is rejected due to politics*
By the way, shout out to the grim reaper for taking the time to help us with that skit. He’s here in the audience tonight. Big fan apparently.
So Fox offered months of disturbing footage, that everyone else in media ignored. Until they could find one image they could distort into something worse than slavery. Oh, look a white man on horseback!! It looks just like that statue of teddy Roosevelt we just tore down!
Maxine Waters, Wednesday: What the hell are we doing here? What we witnessed takes us back hundreds of years. What we witnessed was worse than what we witnessed in slavery.
Apparently, thousands of Blacks suffering in squalid conditions didn’t matter to mad Max until she could pin it on a White guy.
Well – she could have done that before – but that guy would be her boss in the White House.
So right now the two most basic things a government should get right – law and order, and the border, have been sacrificed on the altar of progressivism. And we’re all getting splattered with the blood.
And that’s what is controlling Joe. An ideology he doesn’t even understand. Joe is now unpopular because we can all see what many of us saw a year ago. Like one of Hunter’s dates, this was just a trick.
America was tricked into thinking he was as middle of the road as a squashed possum. But in fact, he was an empty vessel, like a newborn child’s mind whose parents could fill with good or evil values.
And now we’re paying the price with a disintegrating border and a disintegrating president. But hey, at least he doesn’t tweet!
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the September 23, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”